Monday night Wallies attempted to bring the funny.
Monday night the brothers of the Wabash College chapter of Alpha Phi Omega (APO) service fraternity invited the community to the fourth annual Laugh-Off Charity Stand Up Comedy Competition preliminary rounds. The event, sponsored in conjunction with DePauw’s APO chapter will feature a final round of comedians who make it out of the preliminaries from each respective school. Whatever school raises the most money will host the final round which takes place on Thursday.
The first round was supposed to feature six comedians who had all previously committed to doing a routine. Ultimately two – Mr. William Hohmeister ’09 and Mr. Luke Robbins ’11 - of the six comedians who had committed to the charity event performed. The other four did not bother showing up nor sent the event coordinators any notification as to why they decided not to perform.
Along with Mssrs. Hohmeister and Robbins, Mr. Kyle Cassidy ’08, A veteran of previous Laugh-Offs who was in the audience and had no intention of doing a routine, decided to stand up and perform as well, for nothing but the love of comedy.
Mr. Ben Shirey ’10, coordinated this preliminary round with his brother Mr. Randy Shirey ’09 for the APO. In spite of some no show comedians, Mssrs. Shirey were happy with the event’s outcome.
“For contestants not showing up I think we did pretty well,” Mr. Shirey said. “Kyle Cassidy really pulled through and really helped us out a lot by jumping up on the spot and competing.
“As far as the other contestants,” he said, “I just wish they would put more consideration into saying that they will participate in a charity event and neglect to go to said charity event. Otherwise, I think laugh off this year was a moderate success.”
Both Mssrs. Hohmeister and Cassidy could not make the final on Thursday. Therefore Mr. Robbins and Mr. Thomas Elliot ’08, who was granted a bye in the first round because he had a prior commitment that evening, will represent Wabash in the finals.
Between the three comedians, the audience seemed to have a very good time.
Mr. Hohmeister, last year’s preliminary round favorite, clinched his victory last year with a striptease to the Salt n Pepa classic “Push it”. This year, he decided to keep his clothing on and discussed with the audience something that is fitting to talk about in a Chapel – religion. Hohmeister shared his understanding of the Immaculate Conception, why god is a woman, and God’s singular reason for creating the universe, earth and every living thing.
“Why did God create the universe?” Hohmeister asked. “Why the f**k not?”
Mr. Robbins, the newcomer to this year’s show, had a different type of routine. It was nonetheless effective. Mr. Robbins mixed traditional comedic storytelling with impressions of Gollum and George W. Bush. He also took the opportunity to poke fun at one of the larger fraternity contingents to show up.
“How many of you out there have ever had a girlfriend?” Robbins asked the crowd. A group of brothers of Tau Kappa Epsilon (TKE) who came out to support Mr. Hohmeister raised their hands. “You guys are all TKEs, put your hands down,” Robbins said.
Mr. Robbins had a piece of advice for everyone in the audience.
“If you are ever asked by a women the question ‘if you can change one thing about me, just one thing, what would it be?’” He said, “Just lie.”
“Don’t ever consider telling the truth,” he added, “don’t think about it at all; just lie. If you ever tell the truth in that situation, they’ll just get angry with you.”
Mr. Cassidy, the final comic of the evening did not prepare any material but went in front of the crowd because he loves comedy.
So back when I was a freshman,” Mr. Cassidt told the crowd, “some of the guys in my house were strip club regulars, and I see them pooling money one night before they leave. So I ask 'em why they don't have any singles. 'Oh,' they say, 'we can just change in some large bills at the club.'”
“Keep in mind,” he said, “that these are the same guys who used to regale me with stories of how some of the ladies at this particular club had a singular technique, and I mean one that I doubt is endorsed by the Bureau of Engraving and printing, if you follow for snatching dollar bills from the mouths of patrons.”
'So lemme get this straight,” Mr. Cassidy told the crowd, “You change in your twenties for singles, which you subsequently put in your mouth to be taken by the strippers. What do you think the strippers do with all their singles at the end of the evening?' That was the night they started taking singles to the club."
Junior Richard Hogue, who came out to support his pledge brother Mr. Hohmeister, enjoyed the three performers. He did have some “harsh words” for the “feckless” comics who did not show up.
“The guys who did it were great,” Hogue said, “but the guys who didn’t show up obviously don’t like children, are supportive of cancer and are feckless – incredibly feckless. Why do you guys have to be such an awful group of human beings that you couldn’t show up for a charity event which you had said you were going to show up at to support children with cancer.
“Good lord,” he added, “you hate America, puppies and apple pie.”
Mr. Shirey feels confident of Wabash’s odds in beating DePauw – at least in terms of bringing the funny.
“Luke’s bit was pretty good,” he said, “and I can only look forward to Tom Elliott’s piece. I think we have a pretty good chance of beating Depauw – at least we’ll beat them in one thing this year.”